January 06, 2009
Post or Die
I received this email just now, from a college friend who reads this blog from time to time.
"Are you in a Hallmark version of Speed where if you post fewer than four cute pictures of Alden each week your barn will blow up?"
The truth is, yes, if I post fewer than four cute pictures of Alden each week, the barn will blow up. This is how it feels inside my heart.
And this is what I look like with my shirt off:
It is so good to be understood, finally, to have my endless plight be a shared one at last. Thank you, David, for understanding, for being there for me.
As I march bravely toward meeting this week's quota, I leave you with yet another shot of my overphotographed charge.
May the poor thing survive her tortured childhood.
Posted by bogenamp at 10:13 AM
January 04, 2009
The Greatest Gift of All
If you think this entry is going to be about babies, you are a sentimental sap who completely misunderstands the purpose of this blog, which is to talk about cars, guns, and babes. And cats.
Robbi, Alden, and I ended up having ten Christmases this year, the first of which happened way back in October. Seiko came up to our studio early one afternoon and asked us if we'd be willing to come over to her and Bob's house that evening to receive our Christmas present. I was puzzled by the timing, but nevertheless delighted. We showed up at the appointed hour.
There were two reasons for the early gift. The first became apparent as soon as we entered the living room. The box containing the present was enormous, and Seiko didn't want to have to put up with it for two extra months.
And so I opened the box. Inside, I found a large plastic orb that bore an uncanny resemblance to the Death Star.
I continued to explore the yet-unempty box. The orb had a stand.
I had absolutely no idea what it was. And then I read the accompanying literature. We were proud owners of the Litter Robot, the final word in self-cleaning litter boxes.
Our spirits soared as we reflected on the end of an era. Would we ever scoop malodorous clumps of cat yuck from the litterbox again? It seemed that we would not. We hastened home to try the thing out.
Here is a schematic of the orb.
Basically, the Robot's orb sits on the stand. The orb is full of litter. When the cat enters the orb, the weight of its feet activate a switch deep within the orb. Seven minutes later (which must be the maximum time possible that a cat can possibly spend making yuck) the orb turns 270 degrees counterclockwise. In the process, the good litter is separated from the yuck and saved in a special compartment while the yuck goes into a hermetically sealed, soundproof chamber in the base. The orb then returns to its proper orientation, full of nothing but the freshest, most wholesome litter.
And folks, it works! All you skeptics may watch this very nice animated movie that shows exactly how the miracle happens.
Cat in:
Cat out:
I wish you could have seen his face as this picture was taken. He was so very happy.
Once a week we open the base and remove a pre-bagged pile of yuck. We take it to the trash. In the interim, no foul odor emanates from the Litter Robot. This, we learned, was the second reason for the early Christmas gift. Bob and Seiko reasoned that there was no earthly reason to endure two more months of stinky litter box if our lives could all be made complete and sweet-smelling by bringing the Robot into our lives mid-October.
We have been happy and sweet-smelling ever since.
Needless to say, I am tempted to put Alden into the orb. Not only would this provide another entry for the Babies in Containers contest, but it might save on diapers. So far, her mother has yet to consent to the scheme, but I sense her resolve may be weakening. More on that front to come.
Posted by bogenamp at 10:18 PM
Hats
Alden received several hats for Christmas this year. Three are of particular note.
Here is her flapper hat, hand-knit by Grandma Judy. (Notice as well the Kansas bib not hand-knit by Grandpa John.)
This picture was taken just after its subject awoke from a long nap, hence the gravity of her expression.
And here is her Dr. Seuss-like handmade creation from Aunt Ming, who claims this wonderful hat as her very first piece of knitting.
And surely the lime green helmet hat from Aunt Andy deserves an encore. Robbi put the hat on Alden at some time during the night (it has been cold in Chestertown) and so I was greeted to the unexpected sight of Alden ready for the gridiron when I plucked her from the crib this morning.
What better way to start the day than to play with one's garishly colored, tastelessly decorated, sound-producing entertainment center?
At least there are hats to offset the scourge of molded plastic. It is a small, important consolation.
Posted by bogenamp at 12:18 AM
December 31, 2008
Call Me Biff
I wrote an email to a friend of mine today, telling her how excited I was about my recent acquisition, a BOB Ironman jogging stroller.
The Bob Ironman jogging stroller is not the point of this entry (in spite of its being an exquisite, appealing, and altogether useful piece of parenting equipment), but you may click here to see an animation of it spinning provocatively 360 degrees along its vertical axis.
The point of this entry is that, upon hearing about my enthusiasm for the BOB, my friend wrote back with unkind words: "BTW, you do realize you're becoming a yuppie, don't you? First the minivan, then the super, duper jogging stroller. It's just a matter of time before you start showing up in chinos, Izods, and penny loafers. Can I call you Biff?"
I'm not much of an Izod man, and I don't think I'd know a pair of chinos from your standard khaki. I do have a ten-year-old pair of woebegone penny loafers Robbi will only let me wear indoors. But I must confess to truly loving my minivan. (It's so spacious, so convenient.) And though the BOB is still en route from the factory, I anticipate loving it very much. With its adjustable tracking, quick-release wheels, one-handed easy-folding design, adjustable suspension system capable of three inches-travel, near flat reclining seat, stainless-steel spokes, aluminum hubs and rims, high pressure 16" road tires, 5-point safety harness, fixed front wheel, 1-step folding, alloy hubs, and footbrake, how could it fail to delight?
If my minivan and BOB make me a yuppie, I suppose I'll have to embrace the mantle. Call me Biff, if you must, but when you see me out running along Water Street with my baby in tow, try your hardest not to stare.
Posted by bogenamp at 08:54 PM
December 30, 2008
Christmas Recap
Having already enjoyed five Christmases, we drove north to Andover, north of Boston, for Christmas proper. My mother lives there with Dean, and each of my three siblings flew in from points distant to share in the holiday cheer. Things were festive in the expected ways.
There was a large, well-decorated tree.
Beneath which were presents.
Next year Alden might understand the concept of opening presents. This year, her chosen approach was climbing on top and trying to intimidate them.
One of the presents retaliated.
When Iggy saw this, she resolved not to open hers, in spite of being very, very tempted.
We had Christmas cookies.
Which were, apparently, very delicious.
And traditional Christmas Eve spaghetti and meatballs.
And Christmas Day cinnamon rolls. My mother only made two plates of them. And yet, as it turns out, I was expected to share.
My sister Andy, home from Haiti, where she lives and teaches, gave Alden this hat that resembles an old-time football helmet.
Alden, who is accustomed to being able to grab her ears at will, was unnerved by the hat.
My sister Lindsay, visiting from Portland, showed up the day after Christmas with my nephew Orin in tow.
Orie is a good little man, about seven-and-a-half months old.
Alden loves Orie. To demonstrate her affection, she beat the crap out of him.
Despite being two months younger, Orie outweighs her by a good six pounds. But she's quick. And mean.
The cousins made amends at mealtime.
Alden was so relieved to have her ears back that she forgot her conquest to dominate Orie and make him cry. Isn't that, at essence, what Christmas is all about?
Posted by bogenamp at 11:27 PM
December 29, 2008
Demoralized
I accidentally closed the Barnstorming admin window without saving the blog entry I had been working on for the past hour, and so I have nothing for you but a mighty heaping of self-pity. I will leave you with this photo I likely would have posted on some other day. It is the first documented evidence of Alden's teeth. You can see them when she yells. Here she is dismayed because someone has taken the liberty of rubber banding her favorite drawers shut.
I will try to recreate the lost narrative of holiday cheer if and when I can summon the energy. For now, I will say that we are home and determined to enjoy the last few days of the year before the new one arrives and asks us to be better, try harder, etc.
Posted by bogenamp at 12:40 AM
December 23, 2008
Five Christmases
I have lots of family in many different places. Which means that Christmas is not so much a calendar date as it is a series of events. So far we've had one Christmas in Flowery Branch, Georgia and three in Chestertown. In a few days, we'll have another one in Andover, Massachusetts.
We're about to head out now to drive there, but I've been remiss the last few days and so will post a photo of Alden hanging her first Christmas ornament (a sugar cookie) on the grapefruit tree, with help from Auntie Maiko.
Here's hoping that all of you will have a safe and happy holidays.
Posted by bogenamp at 10:09 AM